Tuesday, January 26, 2010

WARNING! This post contains the words: "Mariah Carey"

Star Trek, released in 2009. The highly anticipated and probably the more talked about movie in the summer of 2009. Why did it get so much attention? Isn't it just another Star Trek film? Shame on you for thinking along those lines. I am not a 'Trekkie' but I do like Star Trek. I find it more realistic than Star Wars and it has more charisma than a lot of other sci-fi movies in general. Some people will hate me for the Star Wars comment but I like Star Wars too. Oh flip it. What I'm trying to say is that I'm a huge damn nerd. I would go into the dynamics of why Star Trek is more realistic and how I like the naval influence but you would just end up in a frenzy.

Back to the subject at hand. This installation to the Star Trek legacy is amazing because ultimately there are actors acting like actors that did a good job. I said 'good job' because it's extremely hard to harness the swagger of Captain Kirk or the dead pan of Spock. It was toned down for realism purposes but it shouldn't have been. I wanted to experience the hesitation in Kirk's voice. Maybe even a zoom in on his expression. Spock also has a certain confidence that might not have been there because of how the character was written. But overall the spirit was there and that's what counts. It took me about 30 seconds of saying "Who is that guy [Nero]" but I finally recognized the mouth and said 'Eric Bana!' Which was good, I think he did a good job as a villain. The plot, in true form, was confusing as usual. The only big problem (which is easily overlooked) I had was the design of the ship. I've seen a lot of Star Trek films so I know that if this is the prequel to all the other movies, the design of the ship should look old and simplistic, like the 70's version. It wasn't. Regardless of all these small issues, which I'm working out with my therapist, I loved the movie! I really really did. It was great to see Star Trek take a turn from the course it was on [no pun intended] and do something different. I'm glad the borg wasn't in the movie. I was expecting a Klingon or two but that's ok. I give this movie a 10 out of 10. I watched it twice in 3 days and plan to watch it again soon.

So right about now you're wondering what the hell does this have to do with Mariah. You are, aren't you??

I like Aerosmith. Actually I love the guys. I think they kick face and take prisoners. One of the things I think about when I hear that name is a wide mouthed dude dancing around in some raggy clothes and hitting some extreme high notes. Steven Tyler is having some rough patches but it's not new to him. He's a tough guy and he's very entertaining. How can you think of Aerosmith without Steven? I can't. I was going to post a few links to this story but I don't have to, you can find them all over the internet. There are a few quoting band mates that are saying he might be replaced. Then Rolling Stone has a quote from Steven saying he'll be back, everything is cool. It's hard to know what's really going to happen.

Why would they even try to replace him?!? Come on Joe, you know damn well that if you try to put someone in Steven's shoes it's like putting Mariah Carey in public office. People will suffer. Some things just can't be replaced and Steven is one of those things. Well actually he's a person, not a thing. Tim Geithner could step in for Mariah while she serves on the Board of Certified Trashy Singers. I wouldn't vote for her. I'd vote for Aerosmith and then propose an amendment to ban boiled peanuts.

Photo courtesy of: www.yourmoviestuff.com [http://www.yourmoviestuff.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/star-trek-symbol.jpg]

Friday, January 22, 2010

Theres a Little Black Dot on my Blog Todaaaayyyyyyy!

King of pain! I'll always be k . . . [look of astonishment] !! HEY, I'm still using the bathroom!

Isn't it great when someone catches you singing. You think to yourself, "ok, it's alright that I'm alone and no one will be tortured if I wail on this Wham! tune out loud." But oh no, you're never alone. Sometimes I like to roll down my windows and just sing my lungs out whilst in traffic. Rock music does that to some people.

I'm sorry, I'm totally off track again.

I owe and apology to Jennifer who posted a response last year and I did not get to it until tonight. Normally I would ask for forgiveness [even beg or bribe with chocolate] but tonight I'm going to make up an excuse. Back in November I was racing home to answer the blog post. I had just finished a long day working at the DMV handing out license plates and polishing shoes. I had to stop at S-mart [lol, Army of Darkness reference] and pick up some grapes to feed my kangaroo at home when a mindless 96 year old woman came out of no where and ran over my foot with her wheel chair. I think she had NOS installed in that chair.

So I wasn't able to respond correctly. It's there now so no harm done.

Ok, I went through my older posts and tried to find the one about people who do not knock on bathroom doors. I believe I went on babbling, in true form, about how I think people should knock on the restroom stall door. I've complained to a lot of people about this and everyone's response is along the lines of "I just look under the wall partition thing." Well it happened again today. I locked the stall, which actually did have a handle this time, not a stupid latch. No knock. Just a jiggle.

I'm sorry, you read all the way to the end of this post and all you got was a jiggle. It sucks. I know. There, there.  : ]

Image made possible by http://imperfectaction.com/blog/2009/04/02/entrepreneurship/a-granny-that-kicks-butt/

Friday, January 15, 2010

[Insert Title Here]

For the most part this blog can be mean and unforgiving. One might even go as far as saying "harsh." But in my twisted world, it is fair. I try to be fair. You see, if I notice someone picking thier nose in their car, I'm not going to say word one about it. The reasoning is that by picking one's nose, one does no harm to others. It may look gross and disgusting but if you should decide to pick your nose, so be it. Now. If you wear something completely knarly and you want to draw attention to yourself, I will be happy to write about you. Be warned. But not everything I write is a slam on someone or something and it is also hard to know what is going to come out before I push it out. EENNNRRGHHH!

I hope that seams reasonable. No? OK.

My Facebook is down. I disabled/destroyed/neglected it. I'm not sure what happened but I ended up with two accounts. There were two of me!!! Could you imagine? I think it would be horrible because my ego is too damn huge. It would be too much sexy. I know you agree.

Blog back!

So here's the concept: I would like to have a more 'interactive' blog. Here is your writing assignment. Comment below ~

What would you do with your identicle clone? Play a game, go to the circus, visit the liquor store or would you two sit on the couch? Have fun and make some nonsense!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

McGwire Who?

Before going on about something very important that you will regret reading, I would like to acknowledge the new and improved banner graphic. I paid a Chinese refugee from Fuzhou to create it. At first he had a picture of a crane flying over a mountain and I almost barfed. After some motivational speech and a dash of violence he created the masterpiece you behold at the top of this blog. Also, please not that there is a new Dooms-Day gadget on the right hand side with some information about WW3.

I've noticed recently that people [in general] are very nice these days. I'm always getting compliments on how well I shaved this day and "nice choice of socks!" on that day and "Fantastic hair buddy!" all the time. I love it and I just want to take the time to acknowledge these people for brightening up my day.

Now, having said that, I'd like to examine, with a scientific approach, the situation at hand. Someone in the government used the "N" word. Senator Harry Reid is from Searchlight, Nevada. He is a democrat and a huge supporter of Barrack Obama. He supported him so much that he went as far as saying, "...light-skinned" African-American "with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one."

Here you can see an image of Mr. Reid without his white hood on.

Now naturally I usually don't use a lot of Photoshop [lie] but I felt obligated to fix Harry's hand in this instance.

And yes, I am aware that the President has given him a full pardon and accepted his apology. I'm aware that it is custom to forgive and let live. I am also savvy to the fact that mustard has no place on a chicken sandwich. But this isn't my first rodeo. This blog wasn't born yesterday. The keyboard I type on may be from DELL but there sure as shit ain't no farmer in it. You ain't pulling no golden fleece over my eyes!

Damn it, there goes my southern accent.

So what do we do about it? Should we say, "Oh well, he's human." Shall we accept; "We should forgive and allow him to pass laws." Is it correct to re-elect him? Hell yes! Let's throw him a parade while we're at it too. We can follow it up with a ceremony and present him with a bigotry medal of honor. Screw it, let's chisel out a statue of him holding a noose.

If you ask me, which no one should ever do, I would say this whole thing is a cover up story to take the spot light off of Mark McGwire.

Photo courtesy of www.cityweekly.net. However, the image is everywhere on the Internet.

Monday, January 11, 2010

You Can't Handle my Truth!

My Uncle Jerry and I have come to a conclusion for the whole "Tiger Woods" issue. He can't play golf anymore. Well, I mean, he could. If he needs to 'swing his stick' around more he's more than welcome. He can't advertise because no one wants to pay the guy. His wife will be leaving with a lump sum and I'm guessing he'll be bored with not much to do.

Well, he's met all the requirements for politics. He could be the next John Edwards! Vote for Tiger!!

I'm sure some of you are wondering why I haven't mentioned the 'Backdoor Bomber' (aka TNT Testicles, aka Captain Explosive Colon). The guy had plastic explosives strapped to his nuts. It's almost too easy to make fun of this jerk. I would say 'asshole' but I want to keep the cuss words to a minimum. The thing infuriates me but also, I'm glad no one was hurt. So why haven't I written about it? I've been busy. A lot has been going on with me so sorry.

Here we go.

Solution to security issues at airports across the globe!! I know this is a bit much but what is more important than safety?!? When I fly on a plane, which is rare now-a-days with all the lunatics out there, I like to know that I'm safe and that means scrutinizing every last damn person I see.

JOHN GOSLING UPDATE! One of his 23 children just made a poo poo! [this update brought to you by Vag-a-pill!]

I don't care if the wheel chair bound woman who is over the age of 95 can't even open her eyes. I want to know what is under her wig!! I don't care if someone is an Eskimo flying home to his/her igloo and is only carrying fish in his/her suitcase. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF FISH!! I kind of want to smell it too for some weird reason.

So here is the solution: Speedos.

I know what you're thinking. "My God, why hasn't anyone else thought of that?" Unfortunately I don't have an answer for that rhetorical question but I do have a picture of the new 'airport uniform' that we can make every last person on planet earth wear. At first I thought there would be some set backs, such as a 420 lbs person wearing a Speedo that no one can see, but I'd rather see the fat rolls [I have a few myself] than see a bomb. I'd rather see pubic hair than death. I'd rather see some acne than see another person hurt.

Women will have to wear two Speedos at a time in countries that oppress boobies.

NO THONGS! Completely unacceptable.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Reading this Will Make Your Love Life Better!!

HA! The title worked! Advertising is like that sometimes. It's not exactly the truth*. It's amazing what some people print these days and the horse crap that is driving the sales pitch. I won't go into specifics because I'm an advertiser, but if I had to use a case-in-point, I would say "Head On, apply directly to the forehead." If you don't remember that annoying ad then I'm sure you know of another.

So in tradition with this blog, I will now change directions and write something completely out of place.

I'm reading books. Yes, plural, as in more than one. I just finished an online version of "A Knock at Midnight: Inspiration from the Great Sermons of Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr." I was looking for a quote from MLK but couldn't find it in these sermons so I kept looking. Another book I'm reading now is "Failures of the Presidents" which is a factual book about some of the decisions America has made. Both are very interesting reads.

It's starting to snow in Atlanta. I'll be driving through it up to Pennsylvania tomorrow so wish me luck.

*The truth may vary from business to business and does not include batteries. Facts sold separately.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Whilst on my adventure to the territory known as "Florida" my brother in law concocted a simply wonderful idea. James Cameron's Avatar in 3D Imax!!! Whilst surviving the whirlwind of presents and yelling and Ryan peeing on different individuals there was a glorious window of peace.

My brother [in-law] James and his friend met me in Altamonte Springs for the movie of the year. It is hands down the top sci-fi movie of 2009. I would say more but a lot of people would argue about film and acting and drama and blah and blah and you get the point.

So, having said all that, I can go back and explain how happy I was to go to Florida and visit with my relatives and friends. I didn't get to spend enough time with Gloria and Bryant. Gloria is my best friend and Bryant looked really great in the 80's (i saw the modeling pictures!) I took some time to relax in Tampa with Robin's Dad and got into some shenanigans with a pizza manager at Robin's moms' house. I did have a good time but the drive down took a serious toll.


So don't read this unless you are dangerous like a panther prowling through the jungle out of it's mind on a heroine binge. No seriously, go see the movie instead of listening to me pick it apart. There was applause in the theater at the end of the movie if that says anything.

The 3D was done well. It wasn't in your face gimmicks, but rather it flowed with what was happening in the movie and seemed more realistic. The opening scene of soldiers and volunteers or mercenaries set the tone for the whole movie. The perspective was that of a floating view in zero gravity of people waking from hyper-sleep (hyperspace?) The main character was to take his brother's position as a sort of diplomat for an alien race. Being a Marine, he didn't know the alien language or traditions and so was ordered to supply security. Sigorney Weaver plays a supporting role and I was hoping to see her sweaty with a flame thrower for old times sake.

The whole idea is that the Marine controls an alien bio-clone through telepathy-like computer signal. He becomes more and more entranced with the alien surroundings as well as the culture of the aliens themselves. After being hazed and befriended he gains their trust and finds out that the Marine command is gunning for action regardless of diplomacy. After falling in love with an alien, he decides to fend for the aliens instead of the greedy settlers. The good guys win in the end. Er, good aliens.

The aliens were all CGI. But there was a lot of talk about how Cameron waited for the technology to catch up to the movie. His wait was worth it. It was beautiful and bright as well as technically different than any other CG movie I've seen. This movie will set a milestone for other directors to try and top. I think the contrast between the corporation settlement and the alien tribesmen was also well illustrated. New and dangerous creatures and wildlife added the finishing touches to a film that can not be ignored. Bravo!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

To Florida and Back

My wife and I went down to Florida last week for the Holidays. First we stopped in Leesburg, then made our way to Deltona. After visiting with my parents we packed our things and made our way down to St. Petersburg. Robin's friend lives there so we stopped by to visit briefly and then made our way to Largo. From Largo we went to Tampa where her dad lives. After a night there we came home to Atlanta.

All this with a 5 month old isn't easy.

But Christmas was great and we got to do the presents thing with everyone. I was so tired Christmas morning that I tried to get more sleep in the car outside. That never works. Sleeping in a car is awful unless you bring some sort of padding. I got a funny picture of my son with a bow on his head and he looks totally goofy.

I'm sad to say my photo shoot at Sonics wasn't what I'd hoped it to be. I haven't heard back from the manager about doing family portraits so that didn't work out and I didn't get any emails or calls from him to go shoot the high school.

I got a chance to talk to my buddy Tij today on the way to get lunch. He is hilarious. When we get together, things get pretty crazy. We reminisced about the New Years of 2002. We were in Las Vegas with his wife and his brother Ajay. We had so much damn fun. If you want to have a good time and really make some stories, go to Vegas with people that are nuts and enjoy a few drinks. It turns into an adventure. I told Tij that my New Years resolution is to stop making fun of the Snuggie. I've joked around about how extremely insane the Snuggie is only to find out the present company owns one. I always feel stupid when I tell a joke that is offensive to people. It sucks.

Hope 2010 is as good as 2009 and I hope we all get to 2011!