Monday, November 30, 2009

Aliens and Tigers and Traffic! OH MY!

I’d like to pat myself on the back for the unoriginal title real quick.

Ok, I feel better now. I wasn’t able to watch the end of V. Unfortunately there was too much housework and not enough hired help to get it done.*
So I endured and waited till last night to watch it on Hulu. What a great series. You won’t agree with me if you’re not into syfy. That’s ok, you’re entitled to your opinion here at Nonsense. We (I) allow that in this blog.
I won’t summarize in case you would like to watch it on Hulu as well, or by some other means of the internet/OnDemand/network or what-have-you.

Whilst we sat down to be thankful for over-throwing the Indians at our in-laws this year something happened. Something big and huge and amazing happened. Actually it’s none of our business what happened but we (all of us) want to know regardless. Tiger Woods was found unconscious next to his vehicle, a broken fire hydrant and a banged up tree. That’s all we’re gonna find out now folks cause he’s keeping a tight lid on the situation. For all I know there could have been a drunken giraffe involved in this story but we won’t find out until the story is sold to a major network. Long live capitalism!

Traffic. Apparently I was wrong about Death visiting shoppers on Black Friday. Nope, instead this year he was cruzing around in his hummer blasting Lady Gaga tunes sporting a pair of shades and causing people to drive like idiots. 3 hour traffic delay going out of Atlanta and coming back. My wife and I even came back a day early and still got nailed. Not by Death. Just the traffic. That made our trip to beautiful** Bainbridge 8 hours instead of 4.

*There are 4 servants in our mansion.
**Bainbridge is not actually beautiful.

Image from

Monday, November 23, 2009

Oh! The Humanity!!

It’s that time of the season again. Fear is about, lurking the streets with beady red eyes. His breath is putrid and feeds on hate. He only knows sorrow and requires you to pay for your transgressions.

And he’s pushing a shopping cart.

Keep this in mind when driving in the early morning with your children or elderly. On your way to K-Mart, Target and Wal-Mart. People die on Black Friday. That’s why it’s called “Black” Friday and not “Happy Happy Christmas” Friday or “Fluffy Bunny Kisses” Friday . . . I could go on all day but you get the point.

Why don’t they prohibit the stupidity? Why? Well, because for one: “There is no such thing as bad publicity.” It’s true, if you’re trying to market something or get headlines, people have to die for your cause. It’s sick and sad and destructive as well as a shame. A shame that our country puts up with it.

But hell, who am I to interfere with a free market?

Instead of just complaining [see all of my previous posts] here is a solution: It’s simple open the store before the crowds arrive [even if it means all night] and then have the price cuts / discounts announced over the intercoms. Or why not a black weekend? Spread it out so not as many mindless zombies show up at the same time. You could even do something totally predictable like, oh, lets say: invite the police.

I bet it’ll work. I bet it will save some persons life from being trampled by a flock of idiots. I won’t be recognized or thanked but someone will get credit for this. The big naughty company will still make millions, no one will be hurt and Rudolph won’t have to turn around because someone fell asleep in the sled.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


Alright. It's here. Everyone calm down.

Windows dropped 7 in our laps a few weeks ago. A lot of people [nerds, like myself] that I talk to lately have told me they were already running Windows 7 beta on their computer. Thanks for trying to one-up me. Turns out I have a wife and I look good, so in the end, I win.

But I got mine in the mail. It didn't come in a fancy box (much like the MS office box) and it didn't make any cool noises when I took it out of the manila envelope from the mail box. So I put it on my new computer. Yippie! It fixed the sorting problem that I gripped about in my other post. And now I have my calculator back. Weird, but I'll look on the bright side. Ignorance is bliss.

Features include the "Shake-your-window" which makes all the other window [of the same kind] disappear! Ohhhhh, Ahhhhh. I'm not sure what purpose this serves. There was a way to collapse other windows before this feature. Am I being too pessimistic? This feature is part of the Aero space age looking design. The translucent windows and task bar is also "Aero."

Ok, and now for the real juice!! ~ Introducing "Windows Media Center!" TA - DA.

Not so fast. It was in Vista. It still has problems. The DVR-live TV-Cable whatever thingy doesn't work. Well it might but I haven't figured it out. It's been like 2 days now and I've had no success with the TV tuner I bought and I even split the Cable cord (y-split box). It was running better when the tuner was plugged into the antenna!

I'm bummed out about that. I was really looking forward to it and Microshiv stabbed me in the ass again. NO! I'm not going to jump on the Mac-hump-fest and worship Steve Jobs. No chance in that.

Windows 7 shouldn't be thrown away and shart on right now. It is what we've come to expect from Windows. That's all. There aren't any fireworks like they said there would be and I'm not sold on it. But I'm not overly pissed just cause the TV tuner doesn't work.

Just grumpy.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

To Listen or Not to Listen

I've all but given up on my radio. There's just too many commercials. It's gotten to the point where I count the minutes through the commercial and make a pie chart in my head about percentages of actual music/talk time. I love pie charts because I love pie. Apple pie is the best hands down.

I usually burn stuff to CDs or listen to my MP3 player now but I have to keep up on new music. I bring up this point because it's important to know if you're listening to crap or not. And by crap, I am referring to Owl City. Wow, if you haven't heard this piece of emo junk then you're in for a treat. Put on your favorite unicorn tee shirt and spend an hour fixing your hair before putting on those extra tight jeans guys!

Make sure you listen to this song in the closet.

I heard this on a radio station in Atlanta that claims it is alternative. THIS SONG DOES NOT FALL UNDER THE LABEL "ALTERNATIVE" This is a new type of brain washing, aimed at subliminally turning me into a homo. Be careful if you hear this song because rabbits are attracted to it and may try to hump your leg.

You won't hear this crap on 96 the Project. Thank you Project for staying hetro and helping me with my homophobia.

Beware the purple ponies!!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Waka waka waka

Fozzie Bear was great wasn't he? His act is act is an inspiration to bears everywhere.

I think something needs to be said about common courtesy. I'm not sure if it has to do with the area I live in or maybe the teachers skip over this topic for their own twisted reasons but I have discovered a schism in our society.

This is something that happened a while back. A co-worker, who will remain nameless, was smart enough to open my bathroom stall door. Now I don't know why he did it but I hope he felt like an idiot. Why do I hope that? Well because he's an idiot besides the fact. Regardless of the fact, the indiviual has to knock! Especially in this situation.

Yes, yes, you can look under the damn door if you want but knock if you don't. What's so hard about that? Is it a tradition that our people have sworn to forget? Or are you one of them "educated" peoples? I don't just walk into rooms without knocking so why should it be so hard in the men's room? I give up.

Oh! I'm looking forward to a remake of a cheesey 80's mini series on TV tomorrow. V!