Thursday, April 22, 2010

Read. Think. Flush. Repeat.

Tower this is Melta flight 86. We are on approach to M.A.N. with an ETA of 25 minutes. Copy.

Melta this is tower, we are sorry but you will have to avert landing due to a toxic fart that has erupted from Mt. EHGSWJKELH.

Tower, could you please repeat the name of the Mountain?

Flight 86, it is Mt. EHGSWJKELH. Do you copy?

Roger Tower. I copy Mt. EHGSWJKELH. Are you sure you are pronouncing it right?

Flight 86, BRB bathroom break. Out.

--Five minutes later--

Tower this is flight 86. I can see the dark fart in the distance. It looks horrible. We're going to turn around now. Call us if you need anything.
TTFN. Over.

Ok, now I know a lot of people are uber pissed that they missed their flights. Totally understandable and I wouldn't want to be in their shoes. Or flip flops. Or high heals. What ever.

I have sympathy for people stuck in an airport. I was stuck in one for 2 years. It's true. Some what. I worked there.

Bottom line is there may or may not be some complications with ashes collecting in an engine intake. Do you want to be the first person that finds out the results? I think we can all answer that with big fat hell no.

Another silver lining (quite the optimist today for some reason) to this disaster is that everyone should have fun "people-watching" others in the airport wearing their new citizen uniforms. If you are unfamiliar with this new policy please click here.

All in all, no one was killed in a plane crash due to inclimate weather. I'm going to take a different stance than all the critics. Good job European governments. Horay! Hip hip horay! "For they are jolly good fellows, for they are jolly good fellows!"

Ok, now that I'm done with that BS, here's some more: I was sitting in my cube today, And I hade a brief conversation with Tyler. He inspired me to write this Haiku.

Fall my friendly leaves.
The windmill blows us apart.
Float towards your fate.

I think I officially need a drink. Or the whole bottle. Weekend, here I come.

Read. Think. Flush. Repeat.

I almost forgot to wish everyone a happy Earth Day. What is the premise of this holiday? I propose that it is; "We live on a planet. It's called Earth."
Something unbelievably simple. I guess it's hard to be thankful for the Earth when I haven't been to any other planets. I know a lot of you wish I would visit one. Cough cough.

Awkward pause.

Some of you may or may not know that I used to be the organizer behind a hate group. Whoa. Easy there. Don't call the police! The hate group was named "The Boiled Peanut Hate Group." It had to do a lot with what is going on down here in the South. A lot to do with disgusting and filthy trash that is sold along the side of the road. A lot to do with a bunch oh "Hoo Haa" if you will.

Well the group is officially dismantled. It had to die in order to make way for this nonsense. I see it as a trade off. Much like how Ben Rothlisburgers needs to be traded to Pakistan.