Monday, November 23, 2009

Oh! The Humanity!!

It’s that time of the season again. Fear is about, lurking the streets with beady red eyes. His breath is putrid and feeds on hate. He only knows sorrow and requires you to pay for your transgressions.

And he’s pushing a shopping cart.

Keep this in mind when driving in the early morning with your children or elderly. On your way to K-Mart, Target and Wal-Mart. People die on Black Friday. That’s why it’s called “Black” Friday and not “Happy Happy Christmas” Friday or “Fluffy Bunny Kisses” Friday . . . I could go on all day but you get the point.

Why don’t they prohibit the stupidity? Why? Well, because for one: “There is no such thing as bad publicity.” It’s true, if you’re trying to market something or get headlines, people have to die for your cause. It’s sick and sad and destructive as well as a shame. A shame that our country puts up with it.

But hell, who am I to interfere with a free market?

Instead of just complaining [see all of my previous posts] here is a solution: It’s simple open the store before the crowds arrive [even if it means all night] and then have the price cuts / discounts announced over the intercoms. Or why not a black weekend? Spread it out so not as many mindless zombies show up at the same time. You could even do something totally predictable like, oh, lets say: invite the police.

I bet it’ll work. I bet it will save some persons life from being trampled by a flock of idiots. I won’t be recognized or thanked but someone will get credit for this. The big naughty company will still make millions, no one will be hurt and Rudolph won’t have to turn around because someone fell asleep in the sled.

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