2010 Results for LTNB Reward

Hi there!

It's been forever since the last post (month + 1/2) and quite a bit has happened. I've restrained myself from writing because I want everyone to vote for 2010. And you DID! Awesome job! All 4 of you should pat yourselves on the back. You know who you are. : ]

I did the same video thing as last year. 'Cept this year I'm wearing a different tee-shirt. Yeah, I'm fatter too.

I hope every things been peachy for you since February. I'm doing ok, same old story. I did join a gym a couple of weeks ago and I'm going like 3 times a week. Funny thing is, it's not bad as I thought it was going to be. No one bothers me or asks me to join a cult. No weird looks from women (like the kind I get at the mall). I do have a minor set back though. When I'm on that gerbil bike peddling my ass off my feet go numb about 15-20 minutes into the ride.

Maybe I need to diet too.

Apart from that I've been totally hooked on deadmau5 and a few bands that have rolled out. Cage the Elephant, Mumford & Sons and Florence and the Machine have really caught my attention. Really good talent in all those bands and when I get in my Ferrari I sometimes find myself yelling out the lyrics. It does the soul good.

Oh well. We can all still look up to the rich and dream. We can still hold onto our aspirations and illusions of grandeur. We can all hope with the best of our hearts that someday, some how and somewhere Charlie Sean will walk through the door and take us away to the Caribbean.

Cocaine and hookers all around!

Here is the link to the LTNB awards presentation (somewhat disappointing)

The 2011 LTNB Awards

No reason for this image. Just funny.

I'm somewhat pleased and indifferent to announce the LTNB nominations for 2010. Last year I didn't post about it and left it in the upper right hand corner where it was ignored like a salad at McDonalds. It turns out that in 2010 there weren't as many bad things as 2009. I'm really happy about that. Actually there are only a few options for 2010 which is a turn for the good in my opinion.

1. Sarah Palin's Alaska.
Ok, I actually didn't watch this so I'm totally unqualified to make any judgement. However, qualification has never stopped me in this blog. The show was humorously horrible. From the 2 minute clip I saw of her on a damn boat fishing next to bears, I kept praying that she'd get attacked. I don't want anything bad to happen to her but I think it'd be more entertaining to see a bear win for once. 

No offense to any Chicago teams.

2. Any tablet sold that wasn't an iPad. 
What I'm getting at here is all the tablets that tried to make it. It seems that Apple will stay on top regardless of Steve Job's health issues. I wish Steve the best, sincerely. Apple's iPhone dominates the phone market. The App store is a whole new market. The iPad is just beautiful and I don't know what they'll come out with next. It's sad to see competitors suck at trying to keep up with them. 

3. The Oil Spill
I stayed off this subject in the posts and I didn't want to get too involved because it was all I heard about for months and thought you had heard enough also. Doesn't really need any more explaining.

4. Secrecy
Wow. I didn't think this could happen. All it took was a few soldiers though. No, not just the one that is in jail. If you know how it works, you know that there is a guard that checks for electronics and other items when entering/exiting secret compartment facilities. So the blame doesn't just fall on one persons shoulders. You have to blame Julian Esange too but he's not American and he doesn't see things the way we do.


So there you have it. Which one is the worst? I'll give my vote/opinon on April Fool's Day along with a video if I'm not too lazy. Last year the award went to Healthcare reform. Who will win this year? Who knows? It's up to you so vote and vote hard.

Valentines Day is Coming Up . . . Hint Hint

I was going to post something on facebook but then I had that deep thought again. "Why?" What's the point but to filth' up the innernet (trademarked). I'm sorry for the pessimist post but I have to have a channel. Some channel other than fakebook or, well, myspace is dead. I heard it died. I'm not really sure but I'm not going to go have a look or anything. There might be a funeral or something.

There was a point though, back in the day, that I gave up on myspace too. I'm seriously (tricky, using that word in this blog) considering dropping facebook. It ticks everyone off. Everyone off but me. And I'm not trying to be selfish, it's just that I spend too much time on that damn site when I could be goofing off with wired.com or watching TV. America is great.

Did you watch the State o' the Union address? I'm proud that I made it all the way till 10:15. Good on me! Good all over me with ice cream and crushed pecans! Good on me and some of that dirty chocolate syrup.

Mmmmmmm. Oh yeah.

Now that you feel as though your ears have been violated, I'd like to change the subject:

House music!!    -   "What? Huh?? I can't hear you!"

HOUSE MUSIC!!

NNN tis NNN tis NNN tis NNN tis NNN tis NNN tis NNN tis  ~  Let the beat snap yo back. Ungh!

Ok, sorry I changed the subject to the wrong thing. Oh, I know, we can talk about excuses. I have an excuse for not writing in so long. I know! It's been like, forever. I'm screwing with you. I don't use the word "like" in speech. I have some peoples that use it though. It's funny listening to them talk. I could have them over and mute the Bravo Channel and it would be the same effect. There isn't anything worth watching though. I sorta gave up on V. What a bust. Really kind of stupid to be honest and I feel retarded admitting that I watched it.

Wipeout is cool though. Love Wipeout. Won't change my mind about that.

Oh, yeah, my excuse that I mentioned in the paragraph above. Um, let's see; I wasn't able to type out my messages because a wizard had to use my eyes to see in the future. It wasn't painful or anything and the spell was really trippy. He gave me vicaden to help with the upset stomach. So, yeah. I'm blaming wizardry. Seems fair.

The Falcons lost hard in the playoffs this year. It was hard to watch. I actually left a friends house that night because I couldn't watch the rest of the game. Sad. But overall they did really good compared to the train wreck of a season they had last year. Go Falcons.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the tee shirt shop is closed. I don't think I want to re-open it unless a crazy old lady riding a unicorn tells me otherwise. Have a great weekend!

MLK

Happy Dr. King day. Continue to love the dream.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DV7RqizoqJA

I read a Knock at Midnight last year. It is a book that you struggle with. It's not easy to read but if you can finish it, you'll be a better person for it.


This, of course, is not Nonsense but I heavily believe it's a good thing to post.

S L O W

I'm on the slowest computer available right now. Page down loads are about two days in time to display. I'm getting my car washed and waxed and I think the computer might be oppressed by the man. I'm not totally sure. The whole experience is very unsettling.

Almost as unsettling as watching the car in front of you drive right off a curve into an embankment at full speed. I have no idea what was wrong with the dude or if he had fallen asleep or what. Just totally bizare. Almost as bizare as the stupid birds falling out of the sky because of the fireworks. Actually I don't care about that. I mean I do. But really, I don't. In a way I sort of care. But not really.

Ok, since I only have 2 more minutes on this clunker I'll leave you with this link to Atlanta's newspaper. It's real. This person is an idiot. Furthormore, my wife's boss was having an afair with him. Cool huh?

Happy Friday!

http://www.ajc.com/news/cherokee/cherokee-schools-spokesmans-job-797240.html

Weekend: Here I Come!

It's only Wednesday and I'm ready for Friday. It's 5 am and I'll be getting ready for work soon but I wanted to jump online to say I'll be out this Saturday. Anyone interested in seeing TRON with me, email me at:

corporal.tucker@live.com

Again, I'm in Atlanta, so if you're in Juno, this isn't going to work. It's going to be a late night showing too so anyone that's interested: email me.

Enjoy your Wednesday!

Sometimes I like to cook. Sometimes I like to write. Sometimes I take pictures. I am a photographer and one of the most important rules of photography is: Always have your camera. You really can't be a photographer without it. And sometimes I take pictures of strange people. You may recall my earlier post where I shot some dude at a rest stop on the highway who was wearing plaid shorts and scarf with short sleeves and sandals.

Why do I do these things? I could give you an explanation that involves public forums and photography rights but that's all stupid. I do this because it is thrilling to capture nonsense at it's best. For instance, lets say I'm driving around the parking lot of Target and I happen to come across a lady who not only rocks a leopard fur coat, but also pimps out her dog in the same attire.

Click!

Damn straight I'm gonna take you picture. If you decide to wear an elephant print sweater and hot pink pants or something along those lines, I'll be waiting. I will lurk and cloak myself in the shadows. I will poise ready to pounce! I will focus and adjust my shutter speed in anticipation for something like this.

And I dedicate it all to you. My readers. My faithful awesome lovely sexy readers.

Have a good week ya'll.

And don't forget your cameras.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Mary Elizabeth! She was born this morning to Christy, James and William Holden. We're all very excited and happy for her and look forward to meeting her!

This week, another chapter (more properly, "book") was released in the Chronicles of Narnia by Disney. I really really want to go see it as I'm a huge CS Lewis fan. Apart from that, TRON comes out next week. TRON can not wait for Netflix. I have to see it in theaters and even though money is tight, I plan on splurging on a slushee.

Really tight. Christmas time is always a bust on the wallet. Anyone want to help me take down a liquor store? All in the name of Christmas. Can you imagine little Jimmy or Sally opening a wrapped present to find a bottle of gin?

One of these days there will be a knock on my front door and a dude with a badge will arrest me and take me away because of this blog. An ugly dude with bad breath.

I'm typing this on my Google TV by the way. Just in case I haven't bragged about it enough.

So here's another challenge for all you folks out there that read and want to comment but get nervous or bored by the end of the page or just don't comment for comment's sake. Let me know what you want for Christmas. Please don't tell me you want world peace, instead, be creative: not a beauty contestant.

Have a good week ya'll!

I Left My Heart in San Fransisco

Well, where do I start? I got the Christmas lights up. Turkey day is behind us. Things are getting colder in North Atlanta. I’ve been working on my site some more at home but it still needs more attention. My son is so flipping cute my head spins around a little bit from time to time.

I guess I should mention my trip to the hospital. First time ever and it wasn’t too much fun, but then again, is it ever? I had chest pains Sunday night. “Chest pain” is a password for anyone wanting to get into the ER quickly. Tell someone you have that and they’ll be all over you. Actually don’t, it’s not cool.

I got to the hospital at about midnight. Told the peeps what was going on. They, expectantly, looked at me like, “ah, here comes the fat kid.” So immediately I was in robes and some nurse snagged my IV line. Wow, that didn’t feel good. Not to worry my most valued and beloved readers: the drugs were next! No more chest pains. Happy thoughts and a nice lady named Misty shaving my chest. The EKG didn’t go the way she wanted to, so it was fun to have half my chest shaved. 

No worries compadres! I still have half of my chest hair.  : ]

After the EKG fun, a cardio Dr. named Bruno came in and fell apart on me. He looked at me with all the fear he could muster. “Sir, your readings aren’t good and we need to get a better look at what is going on with your heart. We will need to take you to the cath lab and insert a cath into your artery to take X-rays and find the problem. Once we see the blockage, we can determine how severe and if there are multiple blockages we will have to perform open heart surgery.”

“Just sign here.”

Ok, so at that point my jaw is on the floor and 2 other nurses are looking pretty grave, holding needles and I only had 1 question, “Will there be another consultation after the procedure?” Next thing I knew, I was off with Misty and a few new friends to a place with people wearing cool green ninja gear. The “cocktail” they had inserted into my IV line was kicking in and it was party time. Some big guy (I think he worked out) did some more shaving and then it was poky poke time in my crotch while a few women talked about technical doctor stuff.

My everything was exposed to a group of people I hadn’t met before and Dr. Dawn was looking at me as if I had escaped the zoo, the mood was fairly tense and I should “remain still.” Apart from all this happening, I wasn’t embarrassed for some reason. I didn’t feel like the half naked drugged guy on a table at all.

And that was that. They pumped the iodine through my heart, got the x-rays and then I was consulted by another doctor who told me it was a chest infection that got to my heart muscles. Did I mention the drugs? They were good.

So I’m a little off from the normal lately. I’m sorry for the lack of “funny” in this post. But there’s always tomorrow.

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow!

Recycled Spam

So I had this idea. And I'm sure it's been used before but I'm still saying it's mine. I also know not to start a sentence with "And." What if I can contribute to society by spreading the joy and laughter of this thing I call a blog? What if I can change the way average citizens of this wonderful nation think with a few strokes of my pen. Keyboard? Chisel?!

But what if?

Yes, you might have been misled here but you're hear now. You have to continue reading because I tend to go around in circles and some how end up in even more murky waters; metaphorically speaking. You have to try to decipher this mess and come out with some new information. You have to try to read between the lines. You have to pay your bills on time or your pets will rebel and re-arrange all your furniture while you are getting your bikini waxed.

Or do you?

Who waxes a bikini anyways? You thought I screwed up there didn't you? HA!

Look, I'm sorry you got spam and it lead here. The truth is you sort though that stuff every day. I do. It's crap. But think of all the fun we've had reading the subject lines!

"Buy Power Juice NOW! Increase Your Brain!"

"Tickle Your Realtor with New Home Loan Paper!"

"Increase the Size of Your Florida Part!"

"Hook up with Dirty Singles in your Neighborhood!"

"Get Arrested While Farting on Politicians!"

Spam has changed the way we think about Spam. Yeah, we used to get it in the ol' mailbox. You remember that thing that's at the end of the driveway? You don't? Never mind.

Well, regardless of how much we all hate spam like it Destiny's Step Child, we get it. We endure it. We trash it. It's part of life and now you've wasted some of yours reading this blog. I hope you enjoyed your time though. I don't do this to annoy anyone, I'm just a patsy. I didn't shoot the sheriff or the deputy but I am guilty of something. Something I've been reluctant to share with you all. Something I don't really talk about too much because I'm afraid it might scare all the lady's away.

I'm smoking hot.

Also: if I don't make it back to the keyboard in time, Happy Turkey Day.

God Bless Our Troops!

Happy Veterans Day! Thank you to all who are serving and those who have. God speed and come home safe. We all miss you and hope for your safety.

Our country is in debt to you all.

When Sarcasm Goes Wrong

Hey there! How was your weekend? Really? Schweet. I tweeted a few times. I always thought that site/idea/craze was silly and useless, but now I see the reason for it.

Shameless plug: http://twitter.com/CorporalTucker

There's something strangely humorous about saying "I tweeted a few times. Kinda gross.

So I'm plugging this site away pretty hard. I've been browsing reading other blog sites and plugging the link like a worker at a damn and I'm proud to say I got a few hits last week. But not that proud. Only a few. I need more. I need tons. Yes, I'm turning into a blog junky. So tell your friends. Bump the site. Flip it on flickr. Spam it on your smart phone. Text a link in your sink. Then sit back and wash it all down with a cool spudweiser.

Well there must be a reason why I want followers. Sure, I could say it's because everything needs love, even though this is only a web page and the web doesn't feel love. [[or does it?]] No, that's not the reason. The reason is because of this!

That's the big announcement I had to make. Look at the size of that text. It's huge. So is my head. Nothing earth shattering and I need to apologize to everyone out there that thought I was pregnant. That's not the big announcement.

Well it's not fully operational yet. The back end is being finished as I type this. I need to set up the actual purchasing process and that might take a couple days. Who knows? I'm in no rush but the shirt is pretty sweet and I know some of you will wanna get it as Christmas presents for your friends. Maybe you want to wear it to your next church meeting. Perhaps you can wear it to school, because school never censors anything....

"Save instantly on grumpy teenagers!"

Well now that the announcement is done I can get on with the post. I seriously took sarcasm a little too far. Someone sent me an email and well...I screwed up. But that's ok. I don't think I hurt anyone's feelings and now I can sit back and laugh at it all. I know the details are missing and everything is fill in the blank but that's the way it is sometimes.

Ok, lets say this (and I know it's happened to everyone) : You get an email you don't want. It's total junk mail and it's been sent along 60 times. 60! 60 poor people had to read the same dribble you did and waste 5 minutes of their life. Well. Sometimes I email everyone on that spam email list. I'll email the least sarcastic thing I can think of because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I just find it entertaining.

Anyways, I did that but on a smaller scale and things are developing into shinanigans. It's really funny which makes it also "wrong."

Hand is cramping, back to shopping!

Friday - Lets Put This All Behind Us and Pretend it Didn't Happen

Not the best week. I’m looking forward towards the next one. I’m up at 1am and had a rough time with a sick baby and the bottle is looking pretty good right now. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit huffing lead paint. You know what? I’ll be right back cause I need pain pills.

New paragraph: new possibilities. So I’m pretty spiteful at 1am and I’ll have to add some sarcasm to try cover up the bad attitude. Once the Advil kicks in I’ll be good to go. I’m totally pumped for the weekend. I’m ready for my sedation. NURSE! Seriously, can I skip work and pass Go and collect 200 dollars? I want to do another review!

This week:

Monday – “Huh? Where am I? Oh shit, I’m back here again. Oh well, party is over. Time to take off my Donkey costume cause Halloween is over. Don’t want to be confused with the suckers at the election.”

 

Tuesday – Acted a fool and won a break dancing contest. Then I voted for what I wanted to vote for.

Wednesday – “Why am I still sick?” Despite feeling like a frog in a wheel barrow going down the side of Rushmore I was in good spirits.

Thursday – “Since it is 1am it still feels like today is Thursday but its Friday and wait. Huh? Where am I?”

Friday – Well here we are again. Hope your week was as fun as mine!

End of review

So yesterday, at work, I had a blog reader/co worker try to talk to me about Star Wars 3D and how he/she (for anonymous reasons) wants to marry it. The person was wearing all black so I immediately associated he/she with Darth Vador. Big mistake. I’m trying to cleanse my brain of that dirty film. My peeps test me with traps but I’m like that dude in pit fall. All 25 pixels of him! Boing boing!

 Watch out for that gator Jacob!!!!

Ok that last sentence was for Swamp People. Oh my goodness Billy Jean is not my lover, that show is hilarious. I hate to be a racist and laugh at white people but those good ol’ boys are fuggin hilarious. WoooooWeee! It’s not that I find them stupid because they way they talk, it’s just that I find the way they talk stupid. 

Ok, my lower spine is starting to settle down. I think I can go to sleep now. 

Random photo I took, yes you can borrow it

Thanks for reading. You make it worth coming back to the keyboard. I’ll see you next week. I promise to write this time. And just to leave you with some suspense, I may or may not have something up my sleeve. Tune to find out. It’ll be worth it, I promise.

It's Complicated

So once upon a time I created, er, a blog. Or was it born from the steal trap and rusty cage that is my mind? W/E. Point is that I started this dish towel with 4 things in mind: Reviews, Rants and Propaganda. While I've been really good with the last two, I've totally slacked on the first.

So in honored tradition, here is a review:

Google TV.

Why do I want one of these so badly? Well, a little back-story: Internet-TV has failed horribly up until about a few weeks ago. There were a few products, that escape my mind at the moment, that have pulled the plug at the monster that is Internet-TV.

Why does Google TV work? Crap, I don't know. I sure as heck love the smell of it though. No seriously, I've test driven it at BestBuy. Without a helmet.

I'm dangerous.

But the test drive was a bit off. The TV and all was great. I would say it scored 95% on the wicked-knarly-wild-cool scale. But I saw there are three options; the Sony built in version, the external Sony Google Blue Ray player and the Logitech.

Where am I going with this? Well I have an opinion and I think you'd better keep reading. Don't you try to browse away from me! DON'T LEAVE ME! WHY!?!

Sorry. So the conclusion would be that I'm leaning towards the Logitech brand. Comes with a keyboard and doesn't limit TV remote. I'm missing out on the Blue Ray but I still think the keyboard is mega-sweet.

I could write more about this but why?

Here's a random sentence:

Fred stopped yelling at the microwave as the trees swayed out side his apartment window and the neighborhood cat sits with a stare that could stop one dead in their tracks.

I think I'll do another review tomorrow and touch on the topic of chemical effects of rust and different alloys. Just kidding, I don’t think that hard. Toodles and happy Thursday!

The Orange Man Cometh!

You either love him or you don’t. A lot of people say they can’t stand him. Well, fortunately I’m here to correct those people. Anyone who doesn’t get his comedy can be forgiven. But only once.

Behold! The day comes when a man who from you will stand apart and above for his height is crazy. And you shall know him as Coco. His dance will lure you in and his hair will bring peace to the TV. Whoa are those whom watch the Networks for they know not the way of TBS.

Very Funny.

I might have over done it with the whole prophecy bit. November 8^th is the day. Can’t wait. I had to go to his site and watch episode zero. I his commercials are epic. 

Did you vote yesterday? Yeah? Cool. So did I. I’m not sure what the results are but I’m pretty sure everyone will find something to complain about. I’ve already noticed a trend on Facebook. There’s always good content on the comedy channels during this season because people who run our government get a chance to go out there and say stupid things. Outlawing masturbation. You can’t make that stuff up. It’s pure content.

Crap, I won’t get into it. I’d be here forever going on about how I should have won yesterday.

So how was your election ceremony experience? Please leave a response with a lovely tail of how you met some strangers and they looked at your drivers’ license and then you decided the fate of our world.

See you tomorrow!

Read My Blog - Save a Spiders Life! (just kidding)

In honor of the banner change, I have decided to do a marathon blog roll. *Cheering soundtrack plays in the background*  Ok, by marathon; I really mean one a day for the rest of this week. I owe it to you. You deserve it, especially after you made the decision to wear that shirt out in public.

Just kidding! I love you.

Still friends? Cool. We should come up with an inside handshake later.

So, just to update all the cool, awesome and totally perfect in ever way readers: I’m totally sick. I’ve been under the weather for a couple days now. It sucks. Being sick is like getting your leg caught in the car door and deciding to just go and drive with your foot exposed to all sorts of dangers like dogs with small bladders and fire hydrants and mailboxes and really small dinosaurs. Maybe I over dramatized that last sentence. Maybe I didn’t.

MS Word is telling me that one of those sentences is fragmented. Well MS Word isn’t paying for my therapy so MS Word can go eat a sandwich for all I care. MS Word is a spouse beating alcoholic. HA! Sometimes if you spread a rumor far enough, it reaches a new continent and declares independence and starts a new country call Farce-a-lot. MS Word should go to Farce-a-lot. It’s sort of ironic that I’m blasting the very program that makes the words you’re ready. That’s how I roll.

In addition to the new banner, you might notice my “About Me” is gone. Yeah, I replaced it with the poll. I don’t think it’s coming back.

ATTENTION ENTERING TRUTHFUL SECTION:

Ok, a lot of nonsense goes on here but this part is true. I wanted to give some information that you might be interested in. A month or so ago I found out my neighbors two doors down were cooking meth in their house. Just FYI.

ENDING TRUTHFUL SECTION AND RESUMING NONSENSE.

So yeah. It’s always interesting to find out what your neighbors are up to, especially if it comes in the form of a five year sentence (if it’s her first offense) felony charge. Who needs CNN when there are drug busts going on down the street?

STAR WARS 3D? Hell no!

Friends, Romans, countrymen - lend me your ears; I come to bury Bubba Fett, not to praise him.

I’m sorry, that’s all the culture you’ll get tonight. Or morning. It really depends when you read this. I honestly don’t know where to start. I could start with 1997 . . .

[Que scene blurry effect sequence]

I was 20 years old and getting ready for the Marine Corps. I was focused on losing weight and running 3 miles in under 24 minutes. The details are fuzzy but I remember a dingy low budget movie theater and some friends from college that wanted to go see . . . . drum roll . . . that’s what the little dots are . . .

Star Wars!

What? My first reaction was, and I quote: “Wahwahwah huh how? Bu bu but I haven’t heard anything about it!” And then I pee’d myself. Not really, but metaphorically. I went bananas. Again, not literally.

So I was pshysched. I thought it might even be better than the original. I went and I saw it and I scratched my head. Then the girl I went with said she didn’t want to go on another date. Bummer. The whole experience, looking back now, sucked. I can’t find a better way to describe it. I was like a vacuum sucking the cool out of this childhood dream that I collectively shared with my cousins and my brother.

But, to be critical of myself, I can understand how George (we’re not really on a first name basis) could do this. It’s his baby. It’s his masterpiece and his work of art. I once heard a beggar in Agrabah say, “A true artist will always review his/her work and will always want to perfect it.” Ok it wasn’t really in Agrabah, it was at school. Minor mistake. I’m getting off point here. Again. It’s a common theme here at LTNB.

But aside from trying to put myself in his shoes and the horrible remake, I really do like the Star Wars Series (Hexology?) Or do I? I did. I know that much. When my cousins and I and my brother would gaze at our action figures and the huge Darth Vador mask-thingy we stored them in, there was a gleam in our eye. We loved Star Wars. Loved it.

Something happened that summer of 97. It was like a series of “WTF’s” that were aligned against me.

I like 1,2 and 3. Yeah, yeah - Jar Jar is a douche, but I can get past that. Really bad acting too.

So what’s with my attitude? 4 out of 6 movies isn’t a bad track record. Well there’s this. Come on!! REALLY? Nice comic book work. Good thing I have a printer cause I’m running out of toilet paper. Nice job on the erotic Yobana. That goes great with my childhood. [insert more sarcastic hateful words]

And then there’s this: Napoleon Vador? Are you shitting me?

I’ve had it. I’m done. I’m turning in my Rebel Alliance badge. Flip you princess Leah. Thanks Lucas, for ruining what Jim Henson worked so hard on. Yeah, the CGI worked great! Idiot.

No, I'm not off my meds.

Flip the force! I’ve got a lightsaber and the right mind to shove . . .

I feel so let down. I’m very sad. I want to rant some more but some of you non-geeks are getting upset at the length of this post.

Harrison Ford is a creepy old man! Had to get that last one in.

Huh?

What the hell is going on?

I totally got this off the internet.
Don't sue.

There are monkeys - illegal monkeys - trying to cross our boarders and take the jobs of hard working U.S. monkeys! How about we change that law that's up for debate Mr. Obama and include the interrogation of monkeys.

Monkeys!

And while that is happening, this is happening. It's happening all over the place! You better watch out or you'll get some 'happen on you! (said with a southern accent)

I haven't posted in a while because my brain is still trying to comprehend some of this stuff. It's amazing. Keagan got in. Good for her. I hope those old dirty men can keep their filthy hands off her so she can do her job. Maybe there might be a supreme court calendar in the making. I wish. But who goes around declaring themselves "supreme." Kinda inflated if you ask me.

Pakistan (sorry if I didn't pronounce it right) is flooding. Someone call a plumber.

At least that oil thing is all done. Sheesh! What ever, the gulf was dirty long before BP burst a hemorrhoid 4 billion miles below the surface. And now there are eggs being recalled.

What the hell people? Who's running this donkey race? I think it's about time to forget about fixing stuff and just start blaming people. I will start with Sarah Peterson in Sandusky, Ohio. Yeah, you know damn well what you did. I hope you're proud of yourself. Thanks a lot! I hope a giant octopus falls on your head when you go to pee in a public restroom. Lets see you talk your way out of that.

Some good news. I was right! HA! I knew it! Rod Blagogo-manwhich was innocent! I told you! Please refer to older posts. He's totally off the hook. 1 out of 24 charges. And it was lying to the feds. Big deal! Everyone lies to the feds. The feds lie to us. It's the circle of lies *que lying king music. It's good to see Rod get off. He just looks like a stand up guy. The sort of guy you want to talk to in a bar. The sort of 'dude' you can trust with your money. The sort of guy you want in the bathroom stall next to you when your "restless leg syndrome" starts going off because you know he won't turn on you or flip out and tell the cops.

Nathan Keagan?

So things are doing good here. I'm pretty happy even though the temperature is a bazillion degrees. I think we've put a stop to the ants that have invaded the kitchen floor and we might be buying a mini van. My co workers think mini van is a cuss word. I don't know why. Apparently none of them have had a large load they've had to drive around.

I'm looking forward to some away time in Ashville N.C. It's right next to the Appalachian mountains and it's a cute little town. We won't be going to the Builtmore. They have enough money, they don't need ours. That's not the real reason, as we're not allowed to take photography there. Yeah right! They're gonna charge $50 a head and not let me take pictures.

Maybe I'll go just to clog their toilets. We'll stop at Taco Bell first.  : ]

Something I wanted to warn everyone about. It's pretty gross. You might have seen these in the grocery store sitting next to my beloved Cool Ranch Dorritos. Dorritos came out with a "Late Night" series. BLEGH! Do not try the Late Night Cheeseburger. Holy Hasslehoff they're disgusting. At first you think, "Hmm. This sort of taste like a cheeseburger on my dorrito. Oh wait. Something is happening in my mouth. Dear God no! ERGGHHHBBRLLRBBHPP" The taste will proceed to mutate into an elephant fart in your mouth. Swallow that.

Speaking of farts. The supreme court is going to induct another into it's "Cool Kids Only" club. This woman is so pretty I don't know what to think. When I look at her I can almost here her saying, "Hey. Hey you. Do you want to take me to the beach and rub coconut juice all over my back?"

I'm sorry. Here's a picture of her next to Nathan Lane. Shame on me.

Lightening Rod for Justice!

Rod will finally have his day in court today. Today the truth will ring forth and the media will have to retract all their opinions about Hot Rod Blago. How easily we turn our back on this hero, this champion of the common man, this portrayer of pompadour! All hail Rod Blagoyowsudgd.

I know that some of you may not know too much surrounding the case because the media has yet to report about it. I can’t find it anywhere on the TV. Well Rod is being accused of selling P2P (power to the people) versions of the movie “Far Cry.” When asked why he tried to sell the pirated movie on the internet he said, “I’ve got this thing and is floppin’ golden and you don’t give that away for zippin’ nothing.”  Rod Blagoadonovich is also accused of tampering with Georgia’s CRT test scores, breaking the oil pipe in the gulf of Mexico, riggin the elections in Iran, stealing candy from a baby, Darfor, and crimes against hair dressers.

Personally I think the government is doing a wonderful job at smearing a good guy’s name through the mud. They’re taking a perfectly innocent and caring person who only provides for the city of Chicago and they’re putting his nuts in a grinder. They’re taking a saint who walks on lake Michigan and cures disease with a twitch of his nose and they’re shoving hot coals and pepper spray up his poop shoot. They’re taking a super human who will be etched in our country’s history and they’re cutting off reproductive organs and flailing them around town square while chanting “Down with the Governor! Up with the Ice Cream!”

So I am here today to announce his innocence. FREE ROD BLAGOGENYVICTUS!

On a more happy note, Toy Story 3 is going to premiere next Friday. I suggest everyone go out and watch the film, it will be fantastically wonderful. They have a pretty good track record. Can you think of a “bad” Pixar movie? Me neither!

Here are some pictures of famous "Rods." Enjoy!