Recycled Spam

So I had this idea. And I'm sure it's been used before but I'm still saying it's mine. I also know not to start a sentence with "And." What if I can contribute to society by spreading the joy and laughter of this thing I call a blog? What if I can change the way average citizens of this wonderful nation think with a few strokes of my pen. Keyboard? Chisel?!

But what if?

Yes, you might have been misled here but you're hear now. You have to continue reading because I tend to go around in circles and some how end up in even more murky waters; metaphorically speaking. You have to try to decipher this mess and come out with some new information. You have to try to read between the lines. You have to pay your bills on time or your pets will rebel and re-arrange all your furniture while you are getting your bikini waxed.

Or do you?

Who waxes a bikini anyways? You thought I screwed up there didn't you? HA!

Look, I'm sorry you got spam and it lead here. The truth is you sort though that stuff every day. I do. It's crap. But think of all the fun we've had reading the subject lines!

"Buy Power Juice NOW! Increase Your Brain!"

"Tickle Your Realtor with New Home Loan Paper!"

"Increase the Size of Your Florida Part!"

"Hook up with Dirty Singles in your Neighborhood!"

"Get Arrested While Farting on Politicians!"

Spam has changed the way we think about Spam. Yeah, we used to get it in the ol' mailbox. You remember that thing that's at the end of the driveway? You don't? Never mind.

Well, regardless of how much we all hate spam like it Destiny's Step Child, we get it. We endure it. We trash it. It's part of life and now you've wasted some of yours reading this blog. I hope you enjoyed your time though. I don't do this to annoy anyone, I'm just a patsy. I didn't shoot the sheriff or the deputy but I am guilty of something. Something I've been reluctant to share with you all. Something I don't really talk about too much because I'm afraid it might scare all the lady's away.

I'm smoking hot.

Also: if I don't make it back to the keyboard in time, Happy Turkey Day.

When Sarcasm Goes Wrong

Hey there! How was your weekend? Really? Schweet. I tweeted a few times. I always thought that site/idea/craze was silly and useless, but now I see the reason for it.

Shameless plug: http://twitter.com/CorporalTucker

There's something strangely humorous about saying "I tweeted a few times. Kinda gross.

So I'm plugging this site away pretty hard. I've been browsing reading other blog sites and plugging the link like a worker at a damn and I'm proud to say I got a few hits last week. But not that proud. Only a few. I need more. I need tons. Yes, I'm turning into a blog junky. So tell your friends. Bump the site. Flip it on flickr. Spam it on your smart phone. Text a link in your sink. Then sit back and wash it all down with a cool spudweiser.

Well there must be a reason why I want followers. Sure, I could say it's because everything needs love, even though this is only a web page and the web doesn't feel love. [[or does it?]] No, that's not the reason. The reason is because of this!

That's the big announcement I had to make. Look at the size of that text. It's huge. So is my head. Nothing earth shattering and I need to apologize to everyone out there that thought I was pregnant. That's not the big announcement.

Well it's not fully operational yet. The back end is being finished as I type this. I need to set up the actual purchasing process and that might take a couple days. Who knows? I'm in no rush but the shirt is pretty sweet and I know some of you will wanna get it as Christmas presents for your friends. Maybe you want to wear it to your next church meeting. Perhaps you can wear it to school, because school never censors anything....

"Save instantly on grumpy teenagers!"

Well now that the announcement is done I can get on with the post. I seriously took sarcasm a little too far. Someone sent me an email and well...I screwed up. But that's ok. I don't think I hurt anyone's feelings and now I can sit back and laugh at it all. I know the details are missing and everything is fill in the blank but that's the way it is sometimes.

Ok, lets say this (and I know it's happened to everyone) : You get an email you don't want. It's total junk mail and it's been sent along 60 times. 60! 60 poor people had to read the same dribble you did and waste 5 minutes of their life. Well. Sometimes I email everyone on that spam email list. I'll email the least sarcastic thing I can think of because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I just find it entertaining.

Anyways, I did that but on a smaller scale and things are developing into shinanigans. It's really funny which makes it also "wrong."

Hand is cramping, back to shopping!