Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Mary Elizabeth! She was born this morning to Christy, James and William Holden. We're all very excited and happy for her and look forward to meeting her!

This week, another chapter (more properly, "book") was released in the Chronicles of Narnia by Disney. I really really want to go see it as I'm a huge CS Lewis fan. Apart from that, TRON comes out next week. TRON can not wait for Netflix. I have to see it in theaters and even though money is tight, I plan on splurging on a slushee.

Really tight. Christmas time is always a bust on the wallet. Anyone want to help me take down a liquor store? All in the name of Christmas. Can you imagine little Jimmy or Sally opening a wrapped present to find a bottle of gin?

One of these days there will be a knock on my front door and a dude with a badge will arrest me and take me away because of this blog. An ugly dude with bad breath.

I'm typing this on my Google TV by the way. Just in case I haven't bragged about it enough.

So here's another challenge for all you folks out there that read and want to comment but get nervous or bored by the end of the page or just don't comment for comment's sake. Let me know what you want for Christmas. Please don't tell me you want world peace, instead, be creative: not a beauty contestant.

Have a good week ya'll!

I Left My Heart in San Fransisco

Well, where do I start? I got the Christmas lights up. Turkey day is behind us. Things are getting colder in North Atlanta. I’ve been working on my site some more at home but it still needs more attention. My son is so flipping cute my head spins around a little bit from time to time.

I guess I should mention my trip to the hospital. First time ever and it wasn’t too much fun, but then again, is it ever? I had chest pains Sunday night. “Chest pain” is a password for anyone wanting to get into the ER quickly. Tell someone you have that and they’ll be all over you. Actually don’t, it’s not cool.

I got to the hospital at about midnight. Told the peeps what was going on. They, expectantly, looked at me like, “ah, here comes the fat kid.” So immediately I was in robes and some nurse snagged my IV line. Wow, that didn’t feel good. Not to worry my most valued and beloved readers: the drugs were next! No more chest pains. Happy thoughts and a nice lady named Misty shaving my chest. The EKG didn’t go the way she wanted to, so it was fun to have half my chest shaved. 

No worries compadres! I still have half of my chest hair.  : ]

After the EKG fun, a cardio Dr. named Bruno came in and fell apart on me. He looked at me with all the fear he could muster. “Sir, your readings aren’t good and we need to get a better look at what is going on with your heart. We will need to take you to the cath lab and insert a cath into your artery to take X-rays and find the problem. Once we see the blockage, we can determine how severe and if there are multiple blockages we will have to perform open heart surgery.”

“Just sign here.”

Ok, so at that point my jaw is on the floor and 2 other nurses are looking pretty grave, holding needles and I only had 1 question, “Will there be another consultation after the procedure?” Next thing I knew, I was off with Misty and a few new friends to a place with people wearing cool green ninja gear. The “cocktail” they had inserted into my IV line was kicking in and it was party time. Some big guy (I think he worked out) did some more shaving and then it was poky poke time in my crotch while a few women talked about technical doctor stuff.

My everything was exposed to a group of people I hadn’t met before and Dr. Dawn was looking at me as if I had escaped the zoo, the mood was fairly tense and I should “remain still.” Apart from all this happening, I wasn’t embarrassed for some reason. I didn’t feel like the half naked drugged guy on a table at all.

And that was that. They pumped the iodine through my heart, got the x-rays and then I was consulted by another doctor who told me it was a chest infection that got to my heart muscles. Did I mention the drugs? They were good.

So I’m a little off from the normal lately. I’m sorry for the lack of “funny” in this post. But there’s always tomorrow.

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow!

Recycled Spam

So I had this idea. And I'm sure it's been used before but I'm still saying it's mine. I also know not to start a sentence with "And." What if I can contribute to society by spreading the joy and laughter of this thing I call a blog? What if I can change the way average citizens of this wonderful nation think with a few strokes of my pen. Keyboard? Chisel?!

But what if?

Yes, you might have been misled here but you're hear now. You have to continue reading because I tend to go around in circles and some how end up in even more murky waters; metaphorically speaking. You have to try to decipher this mess and come out with some new information. You have to try to read between the lines. You have to pay your bills on time or your pets will rebel and re-arrange all your furniture while you are getting your bikini waxed.

Or do you?

Who waxes a bikini anyways? You thought I screwed up there didn't you? HA!

Look, I'm sorry you got spam and it lead here. The truth is you sort though that stuff every day. I do. It's crap. But think of all the fun we've had reading the subject lines!

"Buy Power Juice NOW! Increase Your Brain!"

"Tickle Your Realtor with New Home Loan Paper!"

"Increase the Size of Your Florida Part!"

"Hook up with Dirty Singles in your Neighborhood!"

"Get Arrested While Farting on Politicians!"

Spam has changed the way we think about Spam. Yeah, we used to get it in the ol' mailbox. You remember that thing that's at the end of the driveway? You don't? Never mind.

Well, regardless of how much we all hate spam like it Destiny's Step Child, we get it. We endure it. We trash it. It's part of life and now you've wasted some of yours reading this blog. I hope you enjoyed your time though. I don't do this to annoy anyone, I'm just a patsy. I didn't shoot the sheriff or the deputy but I am guilty of something. Something I've been reluctant to share with you all. Something I don't really talk about too much because I'm afraid it might scare all the lady's away.

I'm smoking hot.

Also: if I don't make it back to the keyboard in time, Happy Turkey Day.

God Bless Our Troops!

Happy Veterans Day! Thank you to all who are serving and those who have. God speed and come home safe. We all miss you and hope for your safety.

Our country is in debt to you all.

When Sarcasm Goes Wrong

Hey there! How was your weekend? Really? Schweet. I tweeted a few times. I always thought that site/idea/craze was silly and useless, but now I see the reason for it.

Shameless plug: http://twitter.com/CorporalTucker

There's something strangely humorous about saying "I tweeted a few times. Kinda gross.

So I'm plugging this site away pretty hard. I've been browsing reading other blog sites and plugging the link like a worker at a damn and I'm proud to say I got a few hits last week. But not that proud. Only a few. I need more. I need tons. Yes, I'm turning into a blog junky. So tell your friends. Bump the site. Flip it on flickr. Spam it on your smart phone. Text a link in your sink. Then sit back and wash it all down with a cool spudweiser.

Well there must be a reason why I want followers. Sure, I could say it's because everything needs love, even though this is only a web page and the web doesn't feel love. [[or does it?]] No, that's not the reason. The reason is because of this!

That's the big announcement I had to make. Look at the size of that text. It's huge. So is my head. Nothing earth shattering and I need to apologize to everyone out there that thought I was pregnant. That's not the big announcement.

Well it's not fully operational yet. The back end is being finished as I type this. I need to set up the actual purchasing process and that might take a couple days. Who knows? I'm in no rush but the shirt is pretty sweet and I know some of you will wanna get it as Christmas presents for your friends. Maybe you want to wear it to your next church meeting. Perhaps you can wear it to school, because school never censors anything....

"Save instantly on grumpy teenagers!"

Well now that the announcement is done I can get on with the post. I seriously took sarcasm a little too far. Someone sent me an email and well...I screwed up. But that's ok. I don't think I hurt anyone's feelings and now I can sit back and laugh at it all. I know the details are missing and everything is fill in the blank but that's the way it is sometimes.

Ok, lets say this (and I know it's happened to everyone) : You get an email you don't want. It's total junk mail and it's been sent along 60 times. 60! 60 poor people had to read the same dribble you did and waste 5 minutes of their life. Well. Sometimes I email everyone on that spam email list. I'll email the least sarcastic thing I can think of because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I just find it entertaining.

Anyways, I did that but on a smaller scale and things are developing into shinanigans. It's really funny which makes it also "wrong."

Hand is cramping, back to shopping!

Friday - Lets Put This All Behind Us and Pretend it Didn't Happen

Not the best week. I’m looking forward towards the next one. I’m up at 1am and had a rough time with a sick baby and the bottle is looking pretty good right now. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit huffing lead paint. You know what? I’ll be right back cause I need pain pills.

New paragraph: new possibilities. So I’m pretty spiteful at 1am and I’ll have to add some sarcasm to try cover up the bad attitude. Once the Advil kicks in I’ll be good to go. I’m totally pumped for the weekend. I’m ready for my sedation. NURSE! Seriously, can I skip work and pass Go and collect 200 dollars? I want to do another review!

This week:

Monday – “Huh? Where am I? Oh shit, I’m back here again. Oh well, party is over. Time to take off my Donkey costume cause Halloween is over. Don’t want to be confused with the suckers at the election.”

 

Tuesday – Acted a fool and won a break dancing contest. Then I voted for what I wanted to vote for.

Wednesday – “Why am I still sick?” Despite feeling like a frog in a wheel barrow going down the side of Rushmore I was in good spirits.

Thursday – “Since it is 1am it still feels like today is Thursday but its Friday and wait. Huh? Where am I?”

Friday – Well here we are again. Hope your week was as fun as mine!

End of review

So yesterday, at work, I had a blog reader/co worker try to talk to me about Star Wars 3D and how he/she (for anonymous reasons) wants to marry it. The person was wearing all black so I immediately associated he/she with Darth Vador. Big mistake. I’m trying to cleanse my brain of that dirty film. My peeps test me with traps but I’m like that dude in pit fall. All 25 pixels of him! Boing boing!

 Watch out for that gator Jacob!!!!

Ok that last sentence was for Swamp People. Oh my goodness Billy Jean is not my lover, that show is hilarious. I hate to be a racist and laugh at white people but those good ol’ boys are fuggin hilarious. WoooooWeee! It’s not that I find them stupid because they way they talk, it’s just that I find the way they talk stupid. 

Ok, my lower spine is starting to settle down. I think I can go to sleep now. 

Random photo I took, yes you can borrow it

Thanks for reading. You make it worth coming back to the keyboard. I’ll see you next week. I promise to write this time. And just to leave you with some suspense, I may or may not have something up my sleeve. Tune to find out. It’ll be worth it, I promise.

It's Complicated

So once upon a time I created, er, a blog. Or was it born from the steal trap and rusty cage that is my mind? W/E. Point is that I started this dish towel with 4 things in mind: Reviews, Rants and Propaganda. While I've been really good with the last two, I've totally slacked on the first.

So in honored tradition, here is a review:

Google TV.

Why do I want one of these so badly? Well, a little back-story: Internet-TV has failed horribly up until about a few weeks ago. There were a few products, that escape my mind at the moment, that have pulled the plug at the monster that is Internet-TV.

Why does Google TV work? Crap, I don't know. I sure as heck love the smell of it though. No seriously, I've test driven it at BestBuy. Without a helmet.

I'm dangerous.

But the test drive was a bit off. The TV and all was great. I would say it scored 95% on the wicked-knarly-wild-cool scale. But I saw there are three options; the Sony built in version, the external Sony Google Blue Ray player and the Logitech.

Where am I going with this? Well I have an opinion and I think you'd better keep reading. Don't you try to browse away from me! DON'T LEAVE ME! WHY!?!

Sorry. So the conclusion would be that I'm leaning towards the Logitech brand. Comes with a keyboard and doesn't limit TV remote. I'm missing out on the Blue Ray but I still think the keyboard is mega-sweet.

I could write more about this but why?

Here's a random sentence:

Fred stopped yelling at the microwave as the trees swayed out side his apartment window and the neighborhood cat sits with a stare that could stop one dead in their tracks.

I think I'll do another review tomorrow and touch on the topic of chemical effects of rust and different alloys. Just kidding, I don’t think that hard. Toodles and happy Thursday!